Valentine’s Day is officially ten days away. It’s around this time that we are going to start seeing stacked up shelves lined with Valentine’s Day gifts. It’s around this time that we are going to be overwhelmed with social media posts of couples going on romantic holidays, going out to dinner, being proposed to etc. (Cue the ‘My man, my man, my man captions). Prepare to see multiple reposts of love-related memes and quotes and prices soaring to splurge on chocolates and flowers.
If it sounds like I’m annoyed about the holiday, it’s because I am.
With this being my 31st year of being single around Valentine’s Day, I’ve got to the point where I’ve started to accept that I might be single for the rest of the my life. This isn’t an acceptance that blossomed out of thin air. It’s been a growing seed of thought in my mind ever since I was 23 years old. I love the idea of love and being in a relationship. I love seeing people celebrate love with their significant others – and I’ll always be happy for them.
Being Single on Valentine’s Day
What’s been great though, is the rise of events and days that celebrate the joys of women friendships and single-hood such as Galentine’s Day (February 13). A holiday created through a Parks and Recreation episode became a global event. Pretty cool, right?
We have also seen the rise of conversations centred around self-love and self-care. Discussion topics of where women can be great alone. We can be independent, we can love ourselves wholeheartedly, and validate ourselves. Instead of waiting for a romantic partner, we can travel the world, pleasure ourselves and buy ourselves lingerie to feel great in our own skin.
One of my favourite ways to build confidence in my ever-evolving body image is to buy lace, silk and pretty lingerie as solo date activity. Grab my camera, take some pictures and enjoy wrapping myself in these materials. Then put on a movie with candles lit, home-cooked meal and a glass of moscato.
It’s Okay To Want To Be Loved
More discussions of women not following society’s rules and conventions to be settled down by a specific age continuously get support. As a generation, we are changing the notion of what it means to be in a relationship, as well as, what it means to be single.
At the same time, I get it. I want you to know that your feelings are valid. It’s okay to want to be loved. It’s okay to want to date, have fun, send flirtatious signals across the room. Meet someone that actively and intentionally pursues you and genuinely likes you. Stay up all night on the phone like in the movies, plan trips together, getting to know someone on a deeper level. As someone who has been perpetually single, I want to experience the same things. I want to feel butterflies in my stomach, have inside jokes with a guy, have playful and flirtatious moments with my person.
Growing up, I witnessed these things happening to friends countless of times from the outside. I’m not going to lie, it’s painful to watch that knowing that you may not experience that at all. Instead of dwelling on what could have missed me, I for one have learned to embrace my season of single-hood by celebrating self-love and self-care all year round. Valentine’s Day happens to be another day where it’s in a spotlight.
Celebrate Self-love and Self-Care on Valentine’s Day
My journey of self-love started around the same time as my fitness journey. I learned to be enough on my own. I taught myself how to treat myself with care, comfort, support and love. Being the eldest daughter in a Nigerian family, you learn how to make yourself the priority. One thing that was a blessing in disguise while growing up (that I didn’t see as a blessing back then) was that boys who are now men didn’t find me desirable. I was able to live life without demanding the male gaze or needing male validation because I validated myself.
Whatever your relationship status is, everyone is deserving of love at the end of the day. So if you are celebrating Valentine’s Day alone this year, celebrate self-love and all the amazing characteristics that make you YOU.
Valentine’s Day Ideas for Single Ladies
I hope that you are not feeling down about the upcoming Valentine’s Day. Cheer up and celebrate yourself sis. Here are some of my favourite ideas for single ladies:
- Buy yourself some flowers – take this time to discover what kind of flowers you like
- Take yourself out on a solo date – to the cinema, to the theatre, to a museum
- Spoil yourself – buy new lingerie, pyjamas, new makeup
- Explore a new area in your town or city – be an accidental tourist
- Transport yourself to an new era – binge watching a series like Bridgerton or The Gilded Age
- Try a new recipe – cook yourself a three course meal
- Karaoke night with your other single friends
- Take a dance class
- Write a list of all the amazing things about yourself and say it out loud.
Final Thoughts
Being single on Valentine’s Day is not the end of the world. You may feel a hint of sadness or annoyance on that day but don’t let that eat you up. It’s another day where you can decide how to own that day and how to treat it. You can love yourself wholeheartedly and still want to experience external, romantic love. Allow yourself to feel what that day signifies but also allow yourself to make that day memorable for you.
I think this is one of the rare posts where I’ve been pretty vulnerable about dating and love. Only one friend in my life is aware of my feelings about this. I hope that by sharing my experience (lack thereof) and feelings about Valentine’s Day and how I embrace my single-hood gives you the confidence to do the same.
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Until next time
Folakemi
